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ARE YOU GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT?

• Do you sometimes feel trapped in frustration and disillusionment?
• Are lots of topics off-limits in your relationship?
• Is divorce on your mind?
• Do little differences often turn into major battles?
• Are you wondering what happened to the romance?

If you’re like most couples today, it was easy and fun to fall in love; however, staying in love hasn’t been as easy. Everything else in your relationship may run pretty smoothly, except for your communication. And without better communication, you may not be in the relationship for as long as you’d originally bargained for. Maybe it has already reached an impasse. You may be missing out on the hidden opportunity to get the love you want and the relationship you’ve been hoping or yearning for.

For starters, let’s agree that there’s nothing wrong with you! Our guess is that you were probably never taught or shown how to stay in your relationship. Marriage and committed relationships don’t require you to read instruction manuals or pass an entrance exam. And what you picked up from family, friends, church, or school probably just didn’t translate into a reliable coherent package of information, advice, or skill.

The likely result: you’ve done what you could, using hit-or-miss trial-and-error (mostly unconsciously), but whatever you’ve tried or done, it hasn’t gotten you what you truly want. Maybe it’s gotten you the exact opposite of what you sought! Now, maybe it’s come to the point where the daily wear and tear of conflict, whether presenting itself as argument or silence, has eaten away the connection until you feel too bruised to continue.

In such challenging times, chances are you haven’t been able to see a subtle truth: that your conflict is a powerful opportunity for growth and deeper connection. Seen in this light, your conflict has been potential good waiting to happen! It’s not something to be feared or be resigned to as ruling your relationship. It’s not meant to create distance and separation, but to create a chance to grow and heal through a new way of communication and mutual discovery.

We say all this because we have experienced it all ourselves. Over many years we lived in obscured understanding, lacking someone or something to step in and help us to communicate with each other with respect and listen beyond our own reactivity and absolute belief that one opinion is the absolute right one. We needed someone to guide us beyond that place and see if we could understand our differences.