Rebuilding Your Relationship – Six Steps | Rebuilding Your Relationship

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OK, so what exactly do you need to do to get the love you are seeking?

Rebuilding your relationship, and healing and restoring the trust and connection with your partner begins with understanding what brought you together in the first place, what your major struggles are, and how you can process your relationship differences and struggles differently. Then, it means taking serious action on it.

Here are the six specific steps we assist both of you as partners to take:

1. Acknowledge there are flaws in your relationship and be willing to explore and own how  each of you contributes to “the problem”. This is never a one-way street.

2. Make your relationship a top priority in your life. Your separate lives are full of other priorities. Conscious attention to your relationship needs to be put at the top of the list.

3. Know and explore the stages of a committed relationship, the hidden reasons you chose your partner, and the hidden energy that drives it.

4. Break the negative cycle of communication. Turn your frustrations into vehicles for growth and healing.

5. Learn skills to appreciate, validate, and build on the positives in your relationship. Override the negativity!

6. Create a relationship vision and translate it into action. Replace past patterns with a new roadmap.

This six step system uses the pivotal and extremely powerful components created by noted relationship authorities Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen Hunt PhD: the Getting The Love You Want Weekend Workshop for Couples. Working through these steps impels dissatisfied couples, such as we once were, to attain intimacy and tenderness far more fully in their relationship. Clients who’ve applied all these steps and worked through them with us have seen and continually reported dramatic and lasting results. Couples transform their actual day-to-day, moment-to-moment interactions as they occur by becoming more aware of their reactivity to one another that comes out as blame, defensiveness, and criticism. Like them, you can expect to learn and implement a set of tools and skills to ensure safety and to rekindle passion in your everyday interactions. This is far more than a set of tips, advice, ideas for coping, or insights.

One recent participant put it this way: I learned a lot about myself and about my partner – the workshop was so helpful in enabling me to communicate with him – leaving out the blame and criticism. I learned just to listen and validate and in the process learned the root of the problem. I truly believe in this process and see it as providing lifelong tools for us to continually grow together in our marriage.”

“My husband and I were both unhappy in our marriage, but neither wanted to give up. We needed something to get us back on the right path, reconnected. We needed something to give us hope again. We are excited that the workshop tools provided us the structure and safety to take our relationship to a different level. We learned so much in such a short time. Betsy and Bruce did everything right. They are both wonderful teachers, coaches, supporters, and examples. Thank you so much!!”

Does it work?

To this question we give a qualified “Yes”. The qualification? “Yes” means using the communication tools we teach!  This is not easy. We don’t want to mislead our clients and workshop participants. Replacing your current patterns, however unworkable, is not simple. But when applied consistently, this 6-step program has over and over again brought lasting and deep changes to committed relationships, included outs. For many couples it has transformed their journey together into what it was meant to be – not just respectful and safe, but passionate, fun and exciting. And it can do the same for you.

But we repeat: this success depends upon your willingness and ability to put in the necessary work. This is not for those who are not sufficiently motivated to unlock a grip of negativity, or for skeptics who approach the process with deep resistance or readiness to “jump ship” at the first discomfort, doubt, or difficulty with the steps.

In short, regardless of the circumstances that brought you to this work (whether you are in crisis or simply looking to enrich an already good thing) we are more than ready to work with you if you are super-ready to get going and just want to know exactly what steps to take to rebuild and restore what you have.

A little about our background

Over the first 38 years of our marriage, we often sensed that we were going through the motions. We knew we were experiencing more and more ups and downs than we would have liked. We simply didn’t know how to break the subtle impasses in our relationship. We weren’t in perpetual crisis, but we were definitely stuck.

We were especially discouraged because we had actually tried various approaches – individual counseling, support groups, lots of reading of “how to” books, attempts to “talk it out” on our own.

Then two life changing things happened. One lasted a weekend, the other lasted several years, and in fact still goes on! One was exciting and romantic, the other both romantic and very challenging:

First, we attended a Getting the Love You Want© weekend workshop (that’s now 20 years ago!). We knew immediately that its step-by-step-process approach to dealing with conflict was exactly the foundation we needed to free us from that stuck place and give us the confidence to rebuild for ourselves the safety and excitement in our relationship.

Upcoming Couples Workshop

September 23-24, 2017  (Olympia TowneSuites by Marriott)

 Register for this workshop!

If you are a Getting the Love You Want workshop graduate, but really feel the need for help in taking our dialogue skills and relationship to the next level, find out more about followup options here.

Testimonial from a recent workshop participant:

“My husband and I came into this workshop hoping to find a new way to resolve our differences and move beyond the cycle of blame. What we learned through Betsy and Bruce and their ‘Getting the Love you Want’
workshop was beyond our wildest expectations. We learned that our entire pattern of love and communication could be changed. Betsy and Bruce gave us essential techniques and a structure to live by, that chooses positive resolution instead of blame, and that puts the focus back on ourselves instead of trying to change the other person. For us it was a transforming experience! We hope all couples can experience this workshop to love each other better. Thank you Betsy and Bruce for all your wisdom and experience!’

Second, we totally dedicated ourselves to building the building upon the foundation laid by the workshop. Yes, we had immediately come away from our first workshop experience well familiar with concepts and processes, and certainly with a glimpse of what real intimacy looked and felt like, but getting it all to work for our relationship was another matter.

That took us many months, and in some areas of conflict, years. This involved not simply Betsy’s acquiring training and certification as an Imago Therapist and then as a Getting the Love You Want© Couples Workshop Presenter, though that professional training certainly helped.

It involved total commitment and actually doing the work, that is to say creating a system to identify and implement specific steps, as well as consciously remove negativity for all our interactions, and then practicing toward the point of reflexive competence.

Out of this challenging and rewarding work came our 6 step system. We have now been married for 58 years and in using this system in our own relationship for  20 years we continue to build a stronger, more vibrant connection and relationship year after year. It really does keep getting better and better! We invite you to read what our clients have to say to learn more about what your results might look like and then sign up for our free email relationship tools by entering your email address in the subscription box at the top of the page.

 

 


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