What is Imago Relationship Therapy?

Note these highlights of Imago theory, developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., founder of Imago International Institute (III), with major contributions from his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. Their books are pictured here and are widely available at bookstores or at the III website http://www.imagorelationships.org.

Imago is a Latin word meaning image. It refers to the image we carry around in our unconscious of the people who took care of us in childhood.

Imago theory says that we select unconsciously a partner who has some of those same negative and positive traits (which compose the image) of our primary childhood caretakers because we are trying to get the emotional needs met that were not met in our childhoods - with someone like our parents. So, unbeknownst to us, we are drawn to partners like our parents.

The theory refers to our unmet needs as "wounds." Although we are all grown up physically and biologically, emotionally we are still kids trying to meet needs that were not met back in those early developmental stages: needs for love, validation, attention, connection, and availability from our parents.

Because these needs arise from natural impulses toward growth, these impulses do not go away if not satisfied. Instead, they temporarily go underground while we as children learn to adapt to what is presented or not presented to us. We develop a "personality" around these adaptations and unconsciously tell ourselves we do not need what inherently we do need in order to grow up whole and complete with a strong sense of self.

It is in our committed relationships that those needs surface.

Therefore, committed relationships are about much more than ever usually realized. They are about spiritual evolution and psychological growth, about evolving and growing so as to experience ourselves as beings neither dependent or independent of other beings, but rather inter-dependent, fully connected with all human beings in the world as well as with the environment and with a strong sense of self.

With a strong sense of self, we may interact with others in a way that understands others' needs and sees that in meeting others' needs our own needs get met. We all need love, validation, and attention, and when we experience this as children we give freely of it to others as adults. Real love is about the free movement of this vital life force energy between partners.

This work is about making the unconscious conscious  so that in any given moment we can respond to ourselves and to others with intentionality and awareness, because in each moment we are now more fully conscious of what directs our behaviors and thoughts and feelings.

You can experience Imago therapy at one of our Getting the Love You Want couples workshops.