Hello Friends,

Besides getting in some late summer swims at our favorite lake in the Delaware Water Gap National  Recreation Area, we've been finishing odds and end of our move to our new office, and getting ready for what we enjoy doing most - presenting the Getting the love You Want ©Weekend Workshop © for Couples. This one starts this evening.

We look forward to  greeting  couples motivated and ready for a new and powerful experience.  From the start and throughout, we commend them for the courage to grow and change, regardless of the circumstances that have brought them our way.

Though we have presented this workshop over 65 times, each one seems to bring out fresh energy and passion from us. We know we are not just serving our participants, but their families and the larger society of which we are all a part. Divorce and broken relationships are an ongoing silent social epidemic, and that's the larger malaise we are committed to addressing - one couple at a time. If you haven't attended one, please review our schedule and information below or at  www.betsyandbruce.com

Our feature article this issue is Safety First - Four Must-Follow Rules for You and Your Partner. There is no greater gift you can give to another person than the safe space for them to do as nature intended:  relax, grow, prosper, and flourish. The article tells you how to create safety for yourself, your partner, and the space between. Enjoy!

Safety First

Four Must-Follow Rules for You and Your Partner

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word safety?

Perhaps it's "Look both ways before crossing", "Buckle up", "Hard hat and goggles", or "Yield". Whatever your response, chances are it has something to do with your physical wellbeing,  protection from harm's way, or maybe public safety service like fire or police.

 But safety is just as important in the world of relationships. Most simply, the brain needs it in order to function clearly. When you are in danger you simply cannot be creative, proactive, relaxed, funloving. Nor can you feel connected with the world. You are constantly needing to be on guard.

So one of the greatest gifts you and your partner can give each other is a feeling of safety. That means being in each other's presence signals that it's OK to relax, put down your guard, breathe easy, share all your  thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or interruption, just knowing it's OK to be as you are right now, no need to justify yourself or explain everything. Sounds good, No?

The gift of safety is actually the gift of creative energy. When you are relaxed, connected and safe, you can think, you can experience your aliveness completely, you can create, and perhaps most important of all you can give back and express your aliveness in every way. Life is great!

 So how do you and your partner do that? The list is long, much longer than one article can include, but these four items are at the absolute top of our to-do list - items you can take right away to set or restore or keep a firm foundation of safety in your relationship.

 1.    Give each other at least five appreciations each day.

This is not nearly as difficult or unnatural as it may sound. An appreciation does not have to be a prepared speech! It may be just a word of thanks for doing some routine task or favor ("I really liked it when you helped me take in the groceries"). ("Thanks for buying those tickets for us")  It may be noticing something your partner is wearing or something you like about his or her appearance. ("Nice shirt!"),  "Wow, you look great in that!") Or, it may reflect some positive trait ("That was really generous of you to__")("Thank you for taking the initiative in___"). 

This could be as routine as putting on the coffee, warming up the car, calling your partner during the day just to check in, doing something your partner usually does. Or it could be a surprise (getting tickets for a special event, bringing home some favorite take-out food or dessert, buying a surprise gift). Make sure the surprise is not the price tag!

 3.    Make non-sexual physical contact every day.

This is not just hugs, though they definitely change the biochemistry! This includes simple touching, back and shoulder rubs (they don't have to be lengthy),conscious warm eye contact, even smiles and making funny faces. All make for safety.

 4.    Make any conversation on a sensitive subject a "take turns" process.  

Consider yourself a team looking for mutual understanding.  When speaking always use "I statements" ("I think that.")("I feel___"). When listening, always say what you heard and check it out for accuracy and understanding before you reply. ("Let' me see if I've heard you right?") ("Here's what I understand. Have I got it?")("Is there more about that?") This is absolutely critical. And make sure each one is finished before you change roles.

So  Here's Your Homework:

For the next week, and with your partner, select at least one of the above four safety rules and put it into practice in your relationship on a daily basis.

Then check in at the end of the day to see how you would rate yourself. Note: there's not grading system and this a learning process that likely involves breaking some long standing habits, so please go easy on yourselves and keep on trying.

If this homework assignment interests you or challenges you to want more skills and information to make your relationship work, you may want to consider learning more about our Getting the Love You Want©  couples weekend, either through our free teleclass described below or by visiting www.betsyandbruce.com .

Or if you live locally, you may want to attend one of our one-day workshops also described below.

Meanwhile besYours as always for a safe, committed conscious relationship.